That means thank you. What a ridiculous word.
Anyway, the point of this post is to say that I finally had success uploading pictures. They're on facebook, but you can see them even if you're not a facebook member at:
http://nd.facebook.com/album.php?aid=2116830&l=bcb33&id=5621123
I'm doing well and am really enjoying teaching English- even though it's kind of crazy. The kids gave me a new name because "Genevieve" is too difficult. (And because I gave them new names for the same reason haha). My new name is "Anna."
Anyway, take care! And "shnorhakalutzjun" for everything!
Sunday, October 28, 2007
Saturday, October 13, 2007
confessions?
an unlikely trio:
So I am never really given more than five minutes notice, ok, I'm exaggerating- but an hour, at most- before anything major happens around here. This really bothered me at first, and usually lends itself to inefficiency and general mayhem, but I'm getting more used to it. So, about two weeks ago, I asked Sr. Anne Marie at 10 till 9 if I could go with this visiting Irish priest and a polish priest to the country of Georgia. She said sure.
SO ten minutes later I was in the car with the Irish priest, and maybe 13 hours later I was outside, next to a broken down car, in the-middle-of-nowhere Georgia, with a polish priest and an Irish priest. I was there for six days. (Sorry, not next to the broken down car, but in Georgia). It was a really good, and simultaneously difficult (a persistent theme) 6 days. I was surrounded by a new language and a new routine and new people, and this reawakened some loneliness that I felt really severely, especially at the beginning.
I did a lot of ministry- I was active in parish life (this polish priest is the pastor at a couple of parishes), which included visiting homes late at night to bring the Eucharist to the sick and going with some of the parishioners to see a 12th century monastery carved into the side of the cliff. At every home we visited, we were fed by the people- no matter how late at night we came. (And though I felt badly about taking their food, it was also an insult to refuse...and thank God because this Polish priest was essentially an ascetic who forgot that other people need to eat- at least sometimes).
It's amazing how even though I couldn't say anything to the people they were friendly and tried to do everything to talk to me- maybe it's because I seemed a kind of ridiculous addition to these two priests ("one of these things is not like the other"). One man tried very seriously to convince me to stay in his home for a week. The Irish priest was sure that this was so I could marry his son. I also had a recent dream that I was locked into an arranged marriage...
My time in Georgia deepened my growing awareness of the importance of lay people in the Church. I've spend a lot of time with religious- who are great- but who have a vocation that sometimes leaves them a little out of touch with non-religious, non-faithful people around them. Oftentimes people ride off religion as something for priests and nuns...and certainly not for young Americans. And this isn't the only reason why lay people are so important: but the bottom line is that they (rather, WE) really are.
Being away also helped me realize how much I love being here. And when I came back I was attacked with hugs and kisses and spanks (this kids really give a lot of physical affection). I was overwhelmed. I realized I am loved here- at least in some capacity- which is difficult and necessary to accept. I also realized that I DO have community here- it is a strange community, perhaps- a Belgian, a Latvian, an Armenian- but it is good community. I still really miss all of you.
the real side:
I haven't really said much about my practical (?) day to day struggles. I'm not sure why- perhaps because I felt like they were boring and I wanted to save this blog for interesting stories through attempts at reflection and humor. But the reality of my situation is a lot less interesting and less holy than any idea you currently have (even if you already thought it sounded boring and sinful). Also, have you ever been told straight up that you're not holy- with the qualification that you're not even a little holy? I was the other day. And I was frustrated at first, but this probably because I know how true it is.
Anyway, if you really want to understand what life looks like here, you should know that I spend hours every day with handicapped children. Ths is not the background of my time here, (as perhaps I've made it seem through the focus of my blogs), but rather, it IS my time here. I have absolutely no experience with this kind of thing, and it's not something that I'm naturally really good at, or honestly, that I ever thought I was interested in. I am learning so much more about myself and how to discipline with love and love when I'm tired, frustrated and feel manipulated. I also am doing some personal care things that I would like to say aren't uncomfortable- but they really are.
It's exhausting work because you're always always needed and wanted. I have so often been the object of intense emotion: sometimes I hear "you're my BEST friend" or "I love for you" (their English is poor, but the fact that they can speak English still amazes me. The other day I was walking around with one of the boys here who can't speak- but he signs for different things, and I'm beginning to be fluent in his language. While we were out, he essentially translated for me from Armenian to English). And at other times, someone hits me, tells me they're not speaking to me, slams doors in my face, screams that I don't love them...etc.
The kids here were abandoned, and not all of them are necessarily "orphaned." What this means is that a wound of rejection and abandonment is DEEP...and they crave love so badly- and some of them (a couple of the teenaged girls, especially) will do anything to get it. And the reality of the situation is that I am not sure how to give it to them- because sometimes showing too much affection actually makes the screaming and door slamming and beating worse. I'm struggling day to day- (with one girl in particular)- and I often make mistakes or become very visibly frustrated and exhausted.
a litany:
There is so much more I NEED to be giving and doing here. I find myself looking for ways out of more difficult and less desirable tasks. I'm really selfish with my time. I think too much about what I need.
I'm serious.
This is not self-deprecating; it's the truth. I am afraid that I'm stumbling, half-here but mostly in the past or the future, through each day. This is such a blessed time. And I have so much more (internal) work to do.
My return ticket was scheduled for Oct 15. That's in three days. I actually think it would be really damaging to come home now. I'm going to be here for a while.
I am getting more involved in the community- and through a random series events that have to do inadvertently with my godmother celebration- I am teaching English 3x a week in a school here. The regional superior came here last week (it was reallly great to meet her and talk with her), and helped move this thing forward. I start Monday.
If you had asked me last year to name to types of service that I was not so interested in, I might list working with disabled and teaching young children. But it doesn't matter so much and I can't explain why. God has greater plans.
I was told by the Sisters that I might be sent to Tbilisi, Georgia to work in their homeless shelter on and off. The Sisters there really need help. They told me this right when I thought I felt at home here. haha. I am learning (through being forced) to give up planning. If/when I do go to Georgia, it won't be until November, because I'm taking the GRE in Yerevan at the end of October.
Also, it's really interesting to be here- outside of the US and in this part of the world- during this current political situation. Especially with the new movement towards recognizing the genocide. I've gotten some comments about this. The reaction has been positive- but in a this-is-really-late-in-coming-since-it-happened-in-1915 sort of way.
Yesterday I bought 3 smallish cucumbers, 2 small onions, 2 tomatoes, 1 big big apple, and a loaf of bread for 210 dram- that's like 70 cents.
I've overdone it this time. Thanks for bearing with me. I send you my love and prayers, and I'd love it if you could send some my way, too.
So I am never really given more than five minutes notice, ok, I'm exaggerating- but an hour, at most- before anything major happens around here. This really bothered me at first, and usually lends itself to inefficiency and general mayhem, but I'm getting more used to it. So, about two weeks ago, I asked Sr. Anne Marie at 10 till 9 if I could go with this visiting Irish priest and a polish priest to the country of Georgia. She said sure.
SO ten minutes later I was in the car with the Irish priest, and maybe 13 hours later I was outside, next to a broken down car, in the-middle-of-nowhere Georgia, with a polish priest and an Irish priest. I was there for six days. (Sorry, not next to the broken down car, but in Georgia). It was a really good, and simultaneously difficult (a persistent theme) 6 days. I was surrounded by a new language and a new routine and new people, and this reawakened some loneliness that I felt really severely, especially at the beginning.
I did a lot of ministry- I was active in parish life (this polish priest is the pastor at a couple of parishes), which included visiting homes late at night to bring the Eucharist to the sick and going with some of the parishioners to see a 12th century monastery carved into the side of the cliff. At every home we visited, we were fed by the people- no matter how late at night we came. (And though I felt badly about taking their food, it was also an insult to refuse...and thank God because this Polish priest was essentially an ascetic who forgot that other people need to eat- at least sometimes).
It's amazing how even though I couldn't say anything to the people they were friendly and tried to do everything to talk to me- maybe it's because I seemed a kind of ridiculous addition to these two priests ("one of these things is not like the other"). One man tried very seriously to convince me to stay in his home for a week. The Irish priest was sure that this was so I could marry his son. I also had a recent dream that I was locked into an arranged marriage...
My time in Georgia deepened my growing awareness of the importance of lay people in the Church. I've spend a lot of time with religious- who are great- but who have a vocation that sometimes leaves them a little out of touch with non-religious, non-faithful people around them. Oftentimes people ride off religion as something for priests and nuns...and certainly not for young Americans. And this isn't the only reason why lay people are so important: but the bottom line is that they (rather, WE) really are.
Being away also helped me realize how much I love being here. And when I came back I was attacked with hugs and kisses and spanks (this kids really give a lot of physical affection). I was overwhelmed. I realized I am loved here- at least in some capacity- which is difficult and necessary to accept. I also realized that I DO have community here- it is a strange community, perhaps- a Belgian, a Latvian, an Armenian- but it is good community. I still really miss all of you.
the real side:
I haven't really said much about my practical (?) day to day struggles. I'm not sure why- perhaps because I felt like they were boring and I wanted to save this blog for interesting stories through attempts at reflection and humor. But the reality of my situation is a lot less interesting and less holy than any idea you currently have (even if you already thought it sounded boring and sinful). Also, have you ever been told straight up that you're not holy- with the qualification that you're not even a little holy? I was the other day. And I was frustrated at first, but this probably because I know how true it is.
Anyway, if you really want to understand what life looks like here, you should know that I spend hours every day with handicapped children. Ths is not the background of my time here, (as perhaps I've made it seem through the focus of my blogs), but rather, it IS my time here. I have absolutely no experience with this kind of thing, and it's not something that I'm naturally really good at, or honestly, that I ever thought I was interested in. I am learning so much more about myself and how to discipline with love and love when I'm tired, frustrated and feel manipulated. I also am doing some personal care things that I would like to say aren't uncomfortable- but they really are.
It's exhausting work because you're always always needed and wanted. I have so often been the object of intense emotion: sometimes I hear "you're my BEST friend" or "I love for you" (their English is poor, but the fact that they can speak English still amazes me. The other day I was walking around with one of the boys here who can't speak- but he signs for different things, and I'm beginning to be fluent in his language. While we were out, he essentially translated for me from Armenian to English). And at other times, someone hits me, tells me they're not speaking to me, slams doors in my face, screams that I don't love them...etc.
The kids here were abandoned, and not all of them are necessarily "orphaned." What this means is that a wound of rejection and abandonment is DEEP...and they crave love so badly- and some of them (a couple of the teenaged girls, especially) will do anything to get it. And the reality of the situation is that I am not sure how to give it to them- because sometimes showing too much affection actually makes the screaming and door slamming and beating worse. I'm struggling day to day- (with one girl in particular)- and I often make mistakes or become very visibly frustrated and exhausted.
a litany:
There is so much more I NEED to be giving and doing here. I find myself looking for ways out of more difficult and less desirable tasks. I'm really selfish with my time. I think too much about what I need.
I'm serious.
This is not self-deprecating; it's the truth. I am afraid that I'm stumbling, half-here but mostly in the past or the future, through each day. This is such a blessed time. And I have so much more (internal) work to do.
My return ticket was scheduled for Oct 15. That's in three days. I actually think it would be really damaging to come home now. I'm going to be here for a while.
I am getting more involved in the community- and through a random series events that have to do inadvertently with my godmother celebration- I am teaching English 3x a week in a school here. The regional superior came here last week (it was reallly great to meet her and talk with her), and helped move this thing forward. I start Monday.
If you had asked me last year to name to types of service that I was not so interested in, I might list working with disabled and teaching young children. But it doesn't matter so much and I can't explain why. God has greater plans.
I was told by the Sisters that I might be sent to Tbilisi, Georgia to work in their homeless shelter on and off. The Sisters there really need help. They told me this right when I thought I felt at home here. haha. I am learning (through being forced) to give up planning. If/when I do go to Georgia, it won't be until November, because I'm taking the GRE in Yerevan at the end of October.
Also, it's really interesting to be here- outside of the US and in this part of the world- during this current political situation. Especially with the new movement towards recognizing the genocide. I've gotten some comments about this. The reaction has been positive- but in a this-is-really-late-in-coming-since-it-happened-in-1915 sort of way.
Yesterday I bought 3 smallish cucumbers, 2 small onions, 2 tomatoes, 1 big big apple, and a loaf of bread for 210 dram- that's like 70 cents.
I've overdone it this time. Thanks for bearing with me. I send you my love and prayers, and I'd love it if you could send some my way, too.
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